If you live in Minneapolis & have a soul you need to do this:

I be you know someone who has had cancer. Maybe you've had it. Maybe, like me, your grandmother, great aunt, grandfather, co-worker, and high school friend have had some form of cancer.

Breast. Liver. Bladder. Skin. Prostate. Thyroid. Kidney. Colon. Lung. Leukemia.
Pancreatic. Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. Brain Tumor. Cervical. Rectal. Ovarian.

I have lost family members to cancer, and I've had family members survive cancer. The best thing any of us can do is offer love, support, and money. Research is needed to improve treatments and find cures.

I know none of us has much of it...but maybe think of it this way:
A night out at the Triple Rock might cost $20. (Chicken fingers ($7), 3 PBRs ($6), and one shot of whiskey ($3) + tip on it all). Skip that. One week in the next month or two skip it. Then take that $20 and go to the Red Stag on Monday, July 26th for By Your Side (a benefit for breast cancer). Donate that $20 to Team Damian so they can walk in the Susan G Komen Walk for the Cure.

I've never walked, but last year I went with Janessa and met Louisa to cheer on the walkers. Within a few minutes I think we all had tears in our eyes. Like I said, we have all been touched by this. Let's keep trying to make a difference. Really wish I could be there guys...you'll get my donation on the website...

I really don't mean to be a downer.

it's just going to happen though.  I have a ton of emotions flooding through me and I need to do something with them, and the internet seems to be a good way to deal right now.

so my grandparents left last saturday to take a trip south together.  they have a home in arkansas, and a ton of friends who live in various cities/states in the south during the winter.  the sad reality is that this is the last trip like this that my grandparents will be taking together, and they knew it - which is why it was so important to them.  

my mom just called to tell me that they're on their way back home - that in the past week my grandmother's health has rapidly deteriorated, to the point where she can't even walk.  she literally can't stand up.  in a matter of a week she has lost a huge amount of mobility and it is really freaking me out.

i had lunch with my grandmother and my mom last week and then went to a movie with them.  i had a hard time talking to my grandmother; for the first time in my life the conversation was a struggle and i was awkward.  the tumor has affected her in ways i can't describe, and it's killing me that my response to it all is a stuttering conversation at the white bear lake movie theatre.  jesus.

so, if i ghost out on life for a while please don't take it personally.  i need to be spending time with her when she's home, and i need to learn to not be awkward and face this.

i am not really sure how to process this, and so i guess i'd like to thank the void that is the internet (and my friends) for letting me get this out there.  

Family

I believe most of you know that my family learned my grandmother, Carol, was diagnosed with a brain tumor on Christmas Eve.  Today is her 67th birthday, tomorrow is my brother's 22nd birthday, and the end of this month marks my quarter century of life.  

The news of her "illness" was a huge blow to me.  My parents had me at an early age, and my mom and I lived with my grandparents when I was very young.  My earliest memories include my grandma;  at the pool at her house, in the kitchen, or of her dog Muffin (who I hated).  Throughout my childhood my grandmother was there for me in ways I both can and can't describe.  She picked me up from school every Wednesday for years to bring me to dance classes, and then we'd stop at the Rainbow Cafe after for potato soup or a cheeseburger.  For a long time everyone thought she was my mom (a compliment she never tired of).  

When I was a little older she and my Grandpa lived in the coolest house (from an eight-year old point of view).  They had cable, they had a hot-tub inside their house, they had a basement with a bar, and a bathroom full of my aunt's old makeup.  It could not get better.  I would create a "menu" at the bar, which often included cheetos, oreos, and string cheese that I had taken from my grandma's kitchen.  Then I would make my brother, my cousin Kate, and Grandma come downstairs and buy these things from me.  And she would.  She would pay me for her food.  If that isn't love - well...

Other random memories include playing on the swingset in that yard, watching The Wizard of Oz a thousand times, and watching Nickelodeon and The Incredible Hulk.   I remember searching for Easter eggs in that yard for what seemed like hours...and I swear I remember helping my Grandpa find mole-holes in the lawn.  I was a strange child.

We used to have a tradition for holidays - every Thanksgiving and Christmas my Grandpa would pull out the old shoulder-top camcorder and I would ham it up and explain that it was "Christmas, 1991" or "Thanksgiving, 1998" or whatever.  I don't know if we ever watched the videos, but that's something I miss.  

Anyway - I'm rambling, as I do...I originally started this post because I was on the CaringBridge website trying to find the time of her birthday party tonight and I saw a poem that I wanted to share; which was written by my Great-Grandfather (my Grandpa's dad).  I dont' know if my mom, my aunt, or my uncle posted it on the CaringBridge site - but one of them did - saying that it reminded them of their parents.  It's simple, and that might be why it is so appropriate.

My grandparents are human.  They've had their share of fights, and they've even separated once or twice maybe in the distant past...but they've always come back to each other.  My Grandpa has been hit very hard with this news - and it hurts to watch people you love suffer - so that might be another reason I like the poem.  You wouldn't suffer this much if you didn't love the person so completely.  

My Love - by Edgar Johson

I've had so many beautiful dreams

While sleeping sweet and sound

But when I returned to reality

My dream could never be found.

I thought my dream was perfect 

til we met that happy day

When I found to my great delight

You were sweeter in every way.

But now I've found you, beautiful girl

You have so many charms

When I press a kiss upon your lips

And hold you in my arms.

Now that I've found the one I love

so tender, soft and sweet

And when I hold your hand in mine

Life seems to be complete.

A beautiful game, they call it love

That only two can play

I only hope that I play it right

So you'll think of me each day.

Love's light gets so much brighter

When you seal your lips to mine

Our bond of love eternal

That no one else can bind.

       

Thanks friends - needed to get that rambling off my chest.